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Friday, May 2, 2014

Death has been on my mind.

Ok so I am very ADHD and my mind is everywhere and my horribleness of no commas except for the occasional that is probably put in wrong. Ok well my Uncle recently died. Basically all the drugs he did in his past caught up with him and his liver failed. Unfortunately I did not get to say goodbye while alive nor am I able to travel to say goodbye during the services :o(. On top of this May 8th marks the 1yr my friend Jill passed away. I feel guilty that I wasn't there for her during her though times. I alienated so many people after having kids especially ones I partied with a lot that seemed to party still. I know she was in an abusive relationship but I didn't realize how bad or how bad her depression was but I wish I was there for her. Did I mention we had a little affair once before either of us became moms? Well yes we did and countless make out sessions. Now I am going onto my friend D (Darlene). I loved this girl also she treated me like a daughter, friend and sister all at once. We took care of each other. She had a big heart also She used to make sure all the neighborhood kids were fed. She was a bit older than me having a son only a cple yrs younger than me. She ended up dying in a fire. The smoke is what killed her 3 yrs ago in the wee hours of St. Patrick's Day. Also there was this kid whom I really wasn't super close to but in high school I always thought he was hot everyone loved him he was the class clown and everyone's friend. We had hooked up once and a couple years ago he committed suicide.(2nd person with sexual relations who died) he was the last person I ever suspected to be depressed. Now back when I was 17 I dated this kid who was Sicilian that converted into Judaism after being brought up Catholic. He was a strange kid who mainly listened to vinyl records (both of us are born in 85 So this was odd) and watched anime porn LoL. He didn't do drugs at all except a lil pot with me. We also fooled around I wasn't a complete angel at 17 esp with a BF. Well I felt I ended our relationship stupidly and kind of like I used him. I ran into him maybe 2 yrs later at a friend's house n I was with my bf so I acted like this kid wasn't there :( few years later I found out he died from a heroin OD(3rd person with sexual relations dead) I also found an article with him interviewed a year before about the military not helping their veterans (woah he was so not the military type). Well he had gone to war even survived a midnight ambush. He got into an accident back home and had screws put in his legs.  His leg kept getting infected and he wanted them removed but they wouldn't remove it! He was in so much pain I think that's how he turned to heroin :( Sometimes this shit just pops in my head and I get sad. You know what though I feel like I barely cried over any even though it makes me deeply sad. Yet stress will make me ball my eyes out!  Oh and have I told you I'm a dutch princess LoL well that will be my next post. RIP to all that has passed :o(

Here is a link to my old boyfriend's interview :o(

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